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I then put on my 5 inch heels. I then headed to my favorite mall to do some torturous Christmas shopping. As I walked to my car I could feel the battery moving in me. I was really wet just thinking about what I was about to do to myself in public What would it be like with the 9 V battery inside of me, will it give me the electrical torture I deserve and need. I got to the mall parked the car and went in to the concourse of the mall and directly in to the ladies room. I could feel the battery moving around in my uterus and I was wondering why the tape didn't come off the terminals from the walking. I looked for a empty cubicle were the toilets are and sat on the toilet and spread my legs and hold the string with the red markings on it that indicated the string that had the tape on the terminal ends of the battery.After three pull attempts I finally got the electrical tape that was covering the electrodes. Simultaneously I felt the spark and burning sensation deep in my abdomen it. It was then that I knew Ryan was gone. He was truly gone. For the rest of my life, he would be the guy I compared all of my boyfriends to. Nobody would ever be able to live up to him.After high school, Ryan and I lost contact completely. I went on to come out of the closet and move to the west coast. He went on to join the military, get married, and raise his children with his wife. We went on to two very different worlds.Now it's been twenty-four years since that night. I'm not a seventeen year old boy with my life ahead of me anymore. I'm a forty-one year old man who has known true love twice in my life and lost it both times. I had been out of the closet since my teens. I was as gay as they came. One of my former lovers moved me from Tennessee out to California, where we became part of the lively gay scene in San Diego. That relationship lasted for six years and then, we simply parted amicably.One night, I was at my computer searching through craigslist for a man around my age,.
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